People talk about contentment in recovery happening in stages – at first sobriety can be a confusing time when we don’t quite know what’s happening but at least we’re sober; then our mind and body grow fitter, but we are still a bit anxious; then after several months we relax, feel the power, and start to enjoy our new life. Healthcare professionals talk of five elements needed for true wellbeing:
Make connections
Take action
Take notice
Keep learning
Give.
It is easy to see that a Twelve Step programme would meet all these requirements. Do I fully understand the path to feeling better than well?
All five of the elements mentioned above require effort. They will not just happen unless we do something. A lot of us had been so trapped in our role of helpless victim that we are not good at taking action. But nothing changes if nothing changes, as they say in AA. We must ask for help. Today I give thanks to God for leading me to a contented recovery.
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Remember Mindfulness – close eyes briefly
Gratitude
Many of us have experienced a life in addiction where nothing seemed to make sense, nothing could be predicted, and nothing trusted. The world did not suddenly fall into place when we sobered up but at least we became more sensible, predictable, and trustworthy. Soon we realised that we did have two things that we could absolutely depend upon – a Higher Power and the Twelve Step fellowships. In fact, they were both a part of the same thing because they provided us with the support we needed. Anyone reading the Twelve Steps will see how interconnected they are. In a world where only a minority of people live in a conventional family and large numbers rely on medication of some kind just to be able to function, we in recovery can count ourselves among the fortunate few. Am I sufficiently grateful for Twelve Step recovery in my life?
To addicted people, recovery is all about beating addiction, but we should be mindful of the large numbers of dedicated people working in general healthcare who cheerfully shoulder the huge daily responsibility of caring for the sick, regardless of the often-severe cost to themselves. Today I give thanks for all who unselfishly work and care for others in the healing professions.
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March 26th
Remember Mindfulness – sit comfortably
Fellowship
Groups of men and women who share their experience, strength, and hope with each other, in order to solve a common problem, are found in many settings other than Twelve Step fellowships. People naturally depend on each other and learn from each other. Dependence and learning are two-way activities – there is a giver for every dependent and a teacher for every learner. That is how a fellowship works and that is why the idea of service is important.
Each man should give what he has decided in his heartto give, not reluctantly or under compulsion, for God loves a cheerful giver.St Paul, Corinthians.
Do I fully understand that fellowship means a giving and a taking in equal measures?
It is not by chance that the Twelve Steps begin with the word ‘we’. Most addicted people, including presumably those who wrote the Steps, were well aware of their egotism and self-obsession that can so easily prevent them from fully engaging in the programme. Yet, in another of those strange paradoxes, nobody else can work the programme for us – we must do it ourselves. Today I thank God for the gift of the Twelve Step fellowships.
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Remember Mindfulness – send positive thoughts
Hope in Recovery
There are said to be five stages of recovery
Loss and surrender
Awakening of hope
Taking stock of resources
Rebuilding
Personal growth.
This is what the Twelve Steps are about. When we take ownership of our illness and take responsibility for change, we start to see how change can happen by following these Steps. But at this moment, we also need hope. The most likely way of finding hope is through the example of others because God works through other people. Am I sure that I am a worthy example to anyone struggling and in need of hope?
Understanding the nature of my illness and gaining a true picture of what needs to be done about it, are the basis for a life of recovery. The inspiration to get to work on the programme comes from the knowledge that my Higher Power is at my side to help me, in the same way as others I see are being helped. Today I ask God for the vision to see what I need to do for my recovery and the strength to take action.
What is recovery, in everyday terms? It is building a meaningful life, it is finding a personal identity, it is connecting with others, it is physical wellness, it is moral rectitude, it is spiritual awakening, it is faith, hope and love, it is helping others. Any form of recovery has these elements. People who lack them are often so locked in their own desperation that they just cannot understand. They see happy laughing people and they are envious, but they sadly cannot make a connection. “And those that were seen dancing were thought insane by those who could not hear the music.” (Nietzsche). Do I fully appreciate the miracle of my recovery?
The guidance and strength of my Higher Power has enabled me to rebuild my life into something much better than the original model. As I work the Twelve Steps, my Higher Power is guiding me and also working through me so that my example may help others. I must never forget that recovery puts responsibility on me to conduct myself in a way that helps others who see me, whether I am aware of them or not. Today I ask God that I always remember that recovery brings responsibility as well as blessings.
The essence of all growth is a willingness to change for the better and then an unremitting willingness to shoulder whatever responsibility this entails. (Bill W). Personal change always has two parts – the willingness and the action. But in between comes a third part – commitment. Commitment turns theory into practice. When we are motivated to do something, it is not always because we have a strong sense of commitment. Motivation can have a short life, but commitment lasts until the job is done. A bad hangover can motivate you to give up booze – until cravings appear. Am I fully committed to change?
Just as surrender has to be total and not just a ceasefire, so commitment has to be total and not just a dalliance. In recovery, surrender can be seen as letting others help us and commitment can be seen as letting us help ourselves. Neither will work unless done wholeheartedly. I ask God today for the honesty to commit myself fully to the process of change because half measures will not help me.
Life is not easy. For a lot of people, it is just one challenge after another. Yet many seem to expect it to be smooth going and complain when it is not. Others try to avoid the challenges and seek the softer easier way, but life usually finds them out in the end. Some become addicted. We have all seen people who seem to stroll through life without difficulty as if possessed with magic powers. In fact, they are people who have a clear vision of the world and what they need to do about living in it with peace of mind. They have taken the necessary action. Simple in concept but hard to achieve without rigorous honesty, determination and high principles. Can I reject the softer, easier way?
People who truly live life well are always respected. They trigger in us a desire to be like them because we have a longing to live a good life and to do what is right. We may forget words, but we remember how people make us feel. That is why the power of example matters. Today I ask God that I may pursue with determination my desire to live my life in the very best way that I can.
Emotional Sobriety is the management of negative and potentially harmful emotions that pose a threat to a recovering person’s state of contented abstinence. Like it or not, most addicted people are sensitive and have learned in the past to manage their emotions in maladaptive fashion – usually resorting to addictive behaviour to help them cope with the pain of anger, grief, anxiety, rejection, and the like. The key to practising emotional sobriety is to learn to accept the pain of our emotions. We must step back and see the reality of each situation and tell ourselves that growth comes from experience, good or bad. Do I understand that running away from painful emotions is no longer a coping strategy?
Our pain and suffering can be a gift to others. Our response to emotional pain and the manner in which we deal with it, is something that helps not just ourselves but others who may be in the same situation. This connection between pain and recovery is one of many paradoxes that we come across. Today I ask God for the strength and understanding to manage my emotions.
Connection Real connection is a joining of hearts and minds as well as the physical contact of a handshake or a hug. So much of our modern world involves illusion – the face on TV, the social media friend, or the cheery avatar in Meta-land. Do not be fooled, the only real connections are traditional human contacts, warts and all. The Twelfth Step is all about connection but some of the earlier Steps deal with it too: Steps Five and Nine, for example. Do I fully understand that the only true connection comes from the sharing of heart, body, and mind in the real world? St Paul said: For now, we see through a glass, darkly; but then face to face. Now I know in part; but then, fully – just as God knows me. In other words, true connection only happens when we fully understand each other. And that goes not just for connection with other people, but with God as well. Today I ask God for the perseverance to make connections because without it, there cannot be love, kindness or true recovery.
The author considers that a book of this kind is best appreciated when not complicated by the writer's own personality and therefore wishes to remain anonymous.
Recovery Days is quite a spiritual book – what is your background?
I grew up in a middle-class family in Yorkshire during the war World War Two and later trained to be a chartered accountant in London. I did not enjoy being an accountant because I had never passed a maths exam and I’ve always found numbers, unlike words, extremely daunting. Besides, when you are drunk as I often was, working with numbers becomes especially challenging. That’s probably why I was so unhappy. It didn’t explain why the drink took hold of me, but it certainly gave me an excuse for diving in headfirst. I married in 1966 and I was already drinking alcoholically then, although we had a loving marriage for many years.
My alcoholism eventually damaged things too much and for some years, I lived separately from my wife and children, though we saw each other regularly and latterly were reunited. I’m unhappy about this separation but, that is the past. The good thing about it was that I spent my time in Scotland working in a rehab which I helped to establish, putting my accountancy knowledge to good use at last. I later changed and became a therapist. I also during this time ran a small hotel in Peebles, Scotland.
When did you start writing?
From quite early on in my career I started writing articles for accountancy magazines on extremely boring subjects. Some of them were published. it is only in the last 10 years or so that I have been writing on a regular basis. I have written a great many articles on recovery from addiction and especially the aspect of creativity as a means of self-discovery and self-improvement. My first book was published in 2015 it’s called Poetry Changes Lives and it’s a daily book on the theme of what happened on this day, with a thought about that and a poem. I’ve published other books about recovery too.
Why did you write Recovery Days?
Dominic McCann, the CEO of Castle Crag told me that he was thinking of commissioning a book of daily reflections under the Castle Craig imprint. I offered to do the writing and he accepted. The book is the result of that. It took me six months to write and several more months to edit and I enjoyed the process enormously and learned a lot too.
What’s different about Recovery Days?
I’ve read a lot of daily meditation and daily reflections books, and some are wonderful, and some are very specialised and they’re all extremely well put-together. However, I did think that one or two of them were a bit old fashioned and I did think one or two of them were a bit too focused and dogmatic and, dare I say it a bit too serious. Of course, we are dealing with a very serious matter because addiction is a killer but that does not preclude the use of humour as a tool for recovery, in my view at any rate. I just thought that I would try and broaden the appeal of these kinds of books so that they might even help people who aren’t in recovery at all but simply struggling with everyday life. As we all know, that can be extremely complicated and stressful whether you are addicted or not.
Can you give an example of how you use humour in the book?
Well, I think some of the stories that I tell in the book, just as little vignettes, tend to have a bit of humour in them. For example, on a page about humility, I begin like this: A healthy and happy husband came home one evening. ‘Today I’m ten years sober’ he announced, glowing with pride. ‘Isn’t that marvellous?’ His wife looked up at him. ‘So is the cat’, she said. I just think that is a nice way of saying that some of us think we are more important than we really are, and we need humility to see reality. But I’m not sure that Richmond Walker, who wrote the famous 24 Hours a Day book in 1950 could have put something like that in his book because the stigma of addiction was so much greater then. He is incidentally one of my all-time heroes and I very much hope that if he was still alive, he would have given my book his blessing. Although he died in 1965, he set a very high standard for this type of book and also a very high standard of behaviour. He insisted on remaining anonymous despite having written and published such a powerful book.
Is there anything special about Recovery Days
Well, the book is designed to appeal to people of all kinds who are suffering from all types of addiction. Again, it is not intended just to be written for Christians. I mention Islam for example. I just hope that it will appeal to people who are running their lives in the best way they possibly can but who feel the need for a little bit of helpful input on a regular basis. That input is offered as support for personal development, rather than as a set of instructions.
What do you think people are looking for when they buy a book of this type?
I think people are looking for several things: something to think about – a bit of inspiration – a reminder of who they are – a reminder that they are not alone – and the feeling that, little by little they are on a path of spiritual growth and self-improvement generally. That’s quite a lot to get from a single page a day, but serendipity is a wondrous thing.
Any final thoughts?
Just that sobriety is such a life-changer. But at first, I saw it as an unbearable burden. How wrong I was. It’s the most wonderful of moments. If a drunken accountant can end up writing a book of daily reflections, then anything is possible. Seize every opportunity you are given.
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