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Remember Mindfulness – sit comfortably

Personal boundaries

Poor boundaries are a common feature of people with addiction problems. Recovery gives us the opportunity to redefine ourselves. Instead of putting up with unacceptable behaviours we learn to say ‘no’ and assert our right to be respected. Establishing clear boundaries shows that we mean business and are making changes. It improves our self-esteem and makes it easier to form meaningful relationships. Am I working to establish appropriate boundaries?

The boundaries that I establish are so important to my wellbeing that I should consider them in detail – physical, mental, emotional, spiritual and material. They all need defining because peace of mind is threatened if they are threatened. I may need help to establish my boundaries especially in early recovery. It can be useful to practice role-play and to think ahead to identify any possible difficult situations. I should not hesitate to ask for help in establishing my personal boundaries because it is important for my self-respect and spiritual growth to assert my basic rights.

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Remember Mindfulness – close eyes briefly

Respect

Passive-aggressive behaviour is often seen in relationships because it’s designed to make the recipient feel punished, without dangerous confrontation. If you say to your partner: I bet I know where you want to be tonight, (not with me!), you are avoiding an honest discussion. The way to respond is to feed back to the passive aggressive person your interpretation of their words: I think
you’re worried that I’m not going to spend time with you tonight – why is that? Passive-aggressive behaviour should always be challenged as part of our new way of doing things in recovery. It is hard to enjoy a contented and meaningful sobriety if you are still basically a doormat. Am I prepared to assert my right to receive respect from others?

If you want others to be happy, practise compassion.
If you want to be happy, practise compassion.
The Dalai Lama.
Some relationships turn into a ritual over time. The participants know their roles and the expected outcome and are often accepting if not happy with the situation however negative that may be. I must break the pattern if I wish to grow spiritually. I ask today for courage to change the things I can.

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Remember Mindfulness – close eyes briefly

Meaningful relationships

In recovery, our relationships with other people are
different. We are less selfish, we try to help others,
we are more outgoing. This is because we have been
working on ourselves – our integrity, spiritual growth
and desire to do service. People see what we have,
and they are attracted, like moths to a lamp. We
discover that we are displaying the power of
example as well as benefiting from it. Am I enjoying
the experience of new relationships in my life?

I wish to start each day with hope and excitement.
There may be problems and challenges ahead, but
they do not cause me despair, as they once did. Now,
if I see a problem ahead, I do not run or hide because
I have a programme to deal with it: I seek guidance
from my Higher Power, I can ask for help and advice
from my sober friends, I can depend on my own
integrity to help me handle things the right way. The
result may not be perfect, but neither is it
disastrous. It is progress. Today I give thanks for
the meaningful relationships that have come into
my life through my recovery.