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Remember Mindfulness – review expectations

Easy does it

Few people foresee happiness in the act of
surrender, yet that is what will happen for us, if we
take that first step. Yet we should not try too hard.
‘Easy does it’ as they say in AA. Trying too hard, like
perfectionism can be self-defeating. Indeed, they
can be a sign that our acceptance is perhaps not as
wholehearted as we imagine. Far better to progress
at a steady pace and hand the process over to our
Higher Power. Am I aware of the dangers of trying
too hard?

Instead of driving ourselves to extremes of
thoroughness while doing the Steps, we could try
looking outside ourselves and helping others. There
are so many ways of doing this – service in
fellowships, taking the message to those struggling
with addiction, pulling one’s weight in the family, or
extending the hand of friendship to complete
strangers who may be in difficulties. All these
actions benefit both giver and receiver, but they also
can serve as profound examples to others of positive
affirmative action. I ask that today I will do my best
and that every choice I make will be the right one.

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Remember Mindfulness – send positive thoughts

Unhealthy relationships

Relationships between two adults may begin as natural and harmless. But they quickly become toxic if one party seeks to control the arrangement. In a good relationship, trust, understanding and respect are taken for granted, but sometimes this can be abused. Manipulation is a subtle technique for controlling another person through exploiting their attitudes and expectations. We should not allow it to happen. Recognising that familiarity can indeed breed contempt is the first stage in putting things right. Confrontation may be the next. Allowing manipulation to continue puts us into the victim mode, which means surrendering our power. Do I have the self-respect to confront manipulation?

Giving my partner the silent treatment or a blast of sarcasm were ways of getting what I wanted, at one time. At their most extreme, they were a form of abuse. All forms of bullying stem from fear. Healthy relationships are not possible unless I am prepared to present my character honestly and show respect for the other person and myself.

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Remember Mindfulness – review expectations

Women in the fellowships

On this day in 1937, Florence R attended an AA
meeting in New York. She was one of the first
women to attend an AA meeting anywhere. It is
good to know that women were there at the start.
Florence wrote her story for the first edition of the
Big Book, the only woman to do so. She
unfortunately relapsed later. Not every story is a
fairy tale, but Florence did achieve sobriety for over
a year and her entry in the Big Book inspired many
women to follow her into AA. Am I inspired by all
stories of recovery from men and women alike?

Research has shown that women’s brains are more
developed than men in the parts dealing with
emotions. Men’s brains are better developed to
handle other matters. Overall, it is recognised that
most problems are best solved when the brains of both
sexes are applied to the task, because they
complement each other. I would not find the
fellowships as helpful as I do, if they were on a single
sex basis. It must have been difficult for Florence R to
enter a meeting that was predominantly composed
of men, but I am glad that she did. I give thanks
today for all the pioneers of AA.

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Remember Mindfulness – sit comfortably

Progress, not perfection

Quality not quantity is usually desirable in Twelve
Step work as in most things. Some people write
hundreds of pages when they do the Steps, others
write none. Some go to meetings every day, some can
only manage one a week. Recovery is not a
competition. The only requirement for membership
is a desire to stop. We do not judge because we know
that we all have potential for relapse. Going to as
many meetings as possible is recommended, but we
can only do our best. Do I understand the principle
of progress, not perfection?

Recovery is not about compulsion, we had enough
of that in active addiction. I can progress at my own
pace according to my needs. Guidance will be
given as long as I ask. All that is required of me are
honesty, openness and willingness to change.
The race is not to the swift or strong but to
those who endure to the end.
Ecclesiastes.
Today I give thanks for the guidance that I receive
daily, as I work through the programme.

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Remember Mindfulness – close eyes briefly

Connection

Prayer is a multipurpose tool. Spiritual teacher
Anthony de Mello told the story of the poor farmer
who found himself stuck in the remote countryside
without his prayer book. The simple man could not
remember any prayers from the book, so he made this
simple offering: Lord, I am without my prayer book
and my memory is so bad that I cannot remember
any. So, I will recite the alphabet five times very
slowly and you, to whom all prayers are known, can
put the letters together to form the prayers I want
to say, but can’t. In other words, sincerity and
connection are more important than mere words.
Whatever my concept of a Higher Power, I need to
establish lines of communication. Do I
understand that in spiritual matters, words are less
vital than communication?

A rich businessman living in London some years ago
would keep a permanently open telephone line to his
mother in Italy so they could chat whenever they
felt like it. Prayer does not have to be a ritual, it
can happen at any time, but the more
permanent the connection, the better. Today I
will establish an open connection with my
Higher Power.